Saturday, August 13, 2011

I used to write letters I used to sign my name

     After packing up three months worth of my life and doing some last minute shopping for tomorrow's festivities I'm chilling out before the night falls. I'm not too sure I'll get another chance to write before I step on that plane in 46 hours. In short, my trip home is expected to take 52 hours with 22 hours of hang time on a plane. I'll bounce from Taipei to LA to Denver with 26 hours in LA. I come home, have a few days, then set out again for the sand dunes and eventually Tahoe.

     Although I really wish I had more time here, I hear home calling. We all know if I stayed on, the second the snow blanketed the Rockies I'd come wandering home. I'm longing for that moment at the airport; the one where time stops for a brief moment and I can finally say 'hello.' However, I've got unfinished business in this part of the world, and I'm a creature of closure. When I say I'll be back I mean it. Once I'm finished with school next July I'll return.

     I put together a quick little 'project' for the closing of this chapter. The following is a series of faces of my South East Asian summer. I don't know the names of some of these people. Others have changed my life forever. I will never see some of them again and some have become life-long friends. What I will really take away from my time here are the people that shaped my experiences, no matter how brief or long the encounter...

and if it helps hear this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqyakRmPNM8



























































-M

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Don't underestimate the things that I might do

     Goodbyes, for lack of a better word, suck. They don't just suck, but I am epically horrible at them. I am not only incapable of doing a goodbye justice, but I feel as if I am in limbo. In limbo to say hello again. Not simply to the people I am leaving behind (365 days...more or less), but to the people I have left behind (enam hari hari...er I don't understand this time change thing, so more or less).

     No one said the life of a vagrant was easy (it's not). I may never get it right. I've had to say too many goodbyes in the past 48 hours and not enough hellos. The hellos I have been able to say always end with a 'Goodbye, I'm sorry we didn't have more time, if you are ever in the US please let me know.' I can say I will be back in a year all day long, but no one will believe me until that (as of now) unaffordable ticket is booked again.

     Arriving at home has begun to settle in. I miss my home...terribly. Leaving my home away from home is being slapped across my face. There are some people I almost refuse to say 'bye' to; because it is just too freakin' hard. I wish I had something more profound, or even more positive to say, but I don't. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. C'est la vie et c'est ma vie.

     Of course, if I could do it all over again I would, every G-damned minute. But fuck, I will miss you guys, and 'fouk' I miss you guys.

-M

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I guess I'll pack up my mind

     I would like to start off by apologizing for whatever I'm about to write here. Please blame it on the Nyquil induced haze I'm currently under. Sick with cold number two of the summer, which sucks, but isn't surprising because my immune system is about as durable as our shower head (read: handle with care). I finally mustered the strength to get off my ass and cook some food to ease the cold (and hungry tummy).


     As I sat there waiting for whatever lump of substance to come out of its frozen slumber in our handy toaster oven the call to prayer came on. Leaning over the railing out of the balcony staring at the large dome-ridden mosque down the street from us I thought about felt like when I first did this three months back. I remember feeling like I was in a place so foreign and that large copper-topped establishment that belched out songs five times a day was yet another reminder of just how far away I am from what I know. Although now I'm quite used to the songs (and what my flatmate and I lovingly refer to as 'the Malaysian top 20') I still get that sense of mystery. The skyline from my place, despite it's familiarity, still feels like a far off place. Maybe it's because I know that in a little over a week I'll, once again, be in a land that is far, far away from here.


     It's not easy to put into words how this place has changed me. Even if I tried, it would seem forced and inaccurate. I have things I want to say, things I can't say, and things I haven't figured out how to say.  There is a brown notebook that I've filled with notes, poems, not enough sketches, and frantic thoughts that pass through my mind en-route to destinations both near and far from here.


     The thought of leaving is a mixed bag for me. I feel like a thin rope bridge stretching across two continental plates. My toes flexed hard and the pads of my fingers just barely grasping the ends of each side. Below me, who knows or even cares really. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to the close friends I've made and a place I've learned to live in (although sometimes it feels like mere survival). On the other hand I really do miss Denver, I can't wait to be back in a certain someone's arms and I am excited to see the loved ones I've left behind.


     If you have had a real conversation with me this summer you know that I have some big decisions to make. The road ahead is unpaved and the route unclear. However, we all know I'll just let things work themselves out. If there is one thing I've learned on my brief stay in this world it's that both pain and happiness are equally as fleeting so enjoy all of it, because you can't have one without the other. Life is as simple as a series of trade-offs and just as complicated.

     The idea for the next week is to just enjoy it (assuming this damn cold eases up). I am going to try hard to see everyone, sleep very little, and think even less. School doesn't start for another two weeks. I can use my brain then.

-M

PS. There was a dead body in the river next to Masjid Jamek. Disturbing...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Untitleable

View near The Project

     Where do I begin? How do I begin? How do you describe a place that is so small yet so powerful? A place that is full of tourist traps - 'Yes, yes taxi miss?' No thank you, can't you see I'm carrying a bike helmut? - yet make one, maybe two turns off the orang putih bus route and you are greeted with warm hellos, private ceremonies, and there isn't a tourist in sight (most times not even an expat).

Happy family

     In a way, Bali is like a Mobius, endless surface area within a finite space containing as much discovery as mystery.


    I still struggle to describe, much less sum up, my experience in Bali. I am forever grateful for those who opened their home to me, but that doesn't even scratch the surface of the great advice, and warm, open hearts I found. Perhaps I'm not supposed to spell it out. It was simply one of those things you just had to be there for.


     If you were to ask me in my late-teens where (other than the US) I would want to live I would have said Switzerland. A few years ago I would have told you Denmark. You ask me at this very moment, I would say Indonesia. It is safe to say that I will be back. Like most places I visit,  I left a piece of my heart behind, there are few pieces big enough to go back for; not just for a second visit, but for something more.

This is where we cook

     Personal feelings aside, there are some cultural notes worth mentioning:

This is where we drive

     For starters, you really have to admire the Balinese people. They've managed to keep out Muslim forces for centuries as well as avoid massive colonization by the Dutch. Aside from the south (Denpasar and Kota; which are mainly occupied by the Javanese, Russians, and some Chinese) they have done a good job at keeping their identity amongst a world with an increasing desire to join the homogenous virus of Western culture. I will, of course, save you all from yet another tirade by not elaborating any further. As far as, what I like to call 'tourist colonization' goes, they have done their best. They keep tourists mostly to a few distinct routes and they haven't let touristic development turn the place into Disneyland. Yes, you can see mock dances and the like, but at the same time, the people actually still do those dances at the appropriate times, with or without tourism. They bless and give offerings to everything, regardless if the tourist bus is passing by (you see it in remote villages). Furthermore, selling your land is considered dis-honorable, so family land is either leased out or does not have a price. These aspects are key to keeping 'culture rape' at bay.

The Project: one of the shrines

     Does the place need improvement in sustainable practices? Yes, but it fares better than most. Is it too late? Absolutely not.

This is how I felt

     Aside from being able to somewhat understand the 'interesting' tidbits that guys have to say about non-native girls (me included...don't kid yourselves fellas) standing right in front of them at the bars, knowing a respectable amount of Malaysian came in handy here. English is harder to come by and for those of you not in the know, Indonesian is the same as Malaysian with the exception of a few words and phrases. After all, back in the day, they were the same country.


     One difference I found amusing is the use of the word 'hati.' Instead of 'awas' (meaning caution) Indonesians use hati-hati. Directly translated, this means 'livers.' Yes, you read correctly, 'livers.' Signs literally read: 'Livers! Hole in ground.' I'm not quite sure why or how this became the word du jour, but it is. If you take the translation one step further, in a cultural context, it still makes little sense. Hati becomes heart. So if you say 'he has a good heart' (dia ada hati bagus) you are literally saying, 'he has a good liver' but it means the same thing. So I suspect the sign could read as: 'Hearts! Hole in ground' which sounds something you would see in a tween SMS message but whatever.

Meet Neffs

     Lastly, shops in Bali are often named with Hindu deities. My favorite shop name that I came across was Krisna Cargo. This is both simple and creative advertising if you ask me.

Working by the sea

     Anyways, this mad sailor needs some rest. I'm sakit (sick)...again...however I'm going to pound some vitamin C and Afrika bush tea and pray it goes away. I'm not spending my last (lucky) 13 days down and out.

This is where I slept

-M

Monday, August 1, 2011

You only feel your feet when they touch the ground... -Buddha

Dear Mom and Dad (and anyone else who gives a damn),

     I was supposed to be back in KL yesterday, however getting on that 6am flight didn't feel like the right thing to do, so I slept in.

     The Bali you told me about is quite different than the Bali I found here. The Bali you spoke of is the cluster fuck of tourists. I managed to get through a half of a day of that madness before I retreated back into the hills. It really is a shame; you don't have to go far to find what I've found. If only you had pushed your big toe a little deeper into the oncoming surf...

     A part of me would love to write about what I've done and seen; the usual play-by-play of my time here. However, that is really all too superficial and trivial in the grand scheme of things. Needless to say there probably are a few things I should explain.

     For starters, yes that is a cow bone in my ear. Did I ever think that those combination of words would ever come out of my mouth or onto digital paper? No. In fact, seeing those words on paper reminds me of the time I called MB out of the apartment in Cambridge (Mass) just so I could say 'There is a wild turkey in the playground.' Anyways, I digress, the reason for the bone is simple. I lost my earring, they make bone earrings here. So in order for it not to close up this is my 30 cent replacement. It's sterile, don't panic, and I bought a bunch before I left for SEA so I see no need to buy more here as money is running low.

     The first thing Indonesia taught me upon arrival in Jakarta is that the motorbike is your most efficient form of transport. Thus, I borrowed one. Don't fret Mom, I wear a helmut. I've been on roads so steep, narrow, and pothole ridden that it makes Bryce Canyon look like the 80 (or is it 90?) in Kansas. I'm fine on the bike, I've ridden on a Mexican highway mind you. It's the whole getting out of a parking area and avoiding the throttle that gave me some trouble the first few days. My right knee has had the embarrassing pleasure of being introduced to both the side view mirror and the asphalt. I can safely say that picking shards of mirror out of your leg is not pleasant, but neither is mouth surgery in high altitude. In other words, it could be worse.

     The morning joy ride has become a routine of mine. You get a lot of great thinking done winding around on streets where upkeep, lanes, hell even the direction of traffic (on the left here) is a mere suggestion. I've seen kids whose feet hardly touch the ground ride around here. My advice? Go at a speed you are comfortable with, use your horn, and don't drive like an ass.

     I enjoy being 'off-th-grid'; even though there is a grid around (clearly...I'm on it). Only a select lucky few have my local number and most live or stay here. Although I enjoyed the brief phase that I'll refer to as 'Adventures on Star Hill' back in KL; it is great to see that SEA has so much more to offer the expat community. Will I return to write the ending segment of my Star Hill chapter? Perhaps, it is KL after all...

     I've climbed up waterfalls in caves that only a handful of people on this Earth know exist. I cook by fire at night and fall asleep to the familiar orchestra of the rainforest at night. I'm finding that I get the same feeling in the rain forests as I do in the high country. I haven't yet been able to find the proper language to describe it, but when I do you'll be the first to know.

     Mom, Dad, I know you've always taught me to reach for the stars. However, the older I get and the more I see I'm coming to realise I prefer to grab ahold of the Earth. You know, the large ball of life and death we seem to take for granted. The sky is nice to look at but the soil is all we have. The mundane has the power to produce beauty beyond description.

Signed with love,

-M