Sunday, August 7, 2011

I guess I'll pack up my mind

     I would like to start off by apologizing for whatever I'm about to write here. Please blame it on the Nyquil induced haze I'm currently under. Sick with cold number two of the summer, which sucks, but isn't surprising because my immune system is about as durable as our shower head (read: handle with care). I finally mustered the strength to get off my ass and cook some food to ease the cold (and hungry tummy).


     As I sat there waiting for whatever lump of substance to come out of its frozen slumber in our handy toaster oven the call to prayer came on. Leaning over the railing out of the balcony staring at the large dome-ridden mosque down the street from us I thought about felt like when I first did this three months back. I remember feeling like I was in a place so foreign and that large copper-topped establishment that belched out songs five times a day was yet another reminder of just how far away I am from what I know. Although now I'm quite used to the songs (and what my flatmate and I lovingly refer to as 'the Malaysian top 20') I still get that sense of mystery. The skyline from my place, despite it's familiarity, still feels like a far off place. Maybe it's because I know that in a little over a week I'll, once again, be in a land that is far, far away from here.


     It's not easy to put into words how this place has changed me. Even if I tried, it would seem forced and inaccurate. I have things I want to say, things I can't say, and things I haven't figured out how to say.  There is a brown notebook that I've filled with notes, poems, not enough sketches, and frantic thoughts that pass through my mind en-route to destinations both near and far from here.


     The thought of leaving is a mixed bag for me. I feel like a thin rope bridge stretching across two continental plates. My toes flexed hard and the pads of my fingers just barely grasping the ends of each side. Below me, who knows or even cares really. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to the close friends I've made and a place I've learned to live in (although sometimes it feels like mere survival). On the other hand I really do miss Denver, I can't wait to be back in a certain someone's arms and I am excited to see the loved ones I've left behind.


     If you have had a real conversation with me this summer you know that I have some big decisions to make. The road ahead is unpaved and the route unclear. However, we all know I'll just let things work themselves out. If there is one thing I've learned on my brief stay in this world it's that both pain and happiness are equally as fleeting so enjoy all of it, because you can't have one without the other. Life is as simple as a series of trade-offs and just as complicated.

     The idea for the next week is to just enjoy it (assuming this damn cold eases up). I am going to try hard to see everyone, sleep very little, and think even less. School doesn't start for another two weeks. I can use my brain then.

-M

PS. There was a dead body in the river next to Masjid Jamek. Disturbing...

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