Monday, September 12, 2011

Lessons Learned...

   This blog has MOVED! Check out https://adventuresoffoxintheforest.wordpress.com/ for more exciting stories for a world of adventure!

So I know I've been better when it comes to updating this thing. School rules my life and any other spare time has been spent catching up on the 3 months I've missed here.

     Here is some pretty raw, personal (thus nerve-racking to post) poetry I wrote while in Penang. Until now, only one other soul has seen this. Do I think this will make you avert your eyes? No. All I'm saying is respect one of the few times I'll open up on a significantly more personal level on the oh-so-public forum they call the internet.
Enjoy...





"In order to achieve something difficult you need a strong foundation.
That is why there are three granite steps at the base of
the staircase..."

"I think you should keep writing." she says.

So I write. I write and write and write until I can't feel my fingers.
Until the worlds on the page become unrecognizable. They start to look
like lines from a heart monitor blending together to symbolize that
small glimmer of hope that life still flows through a silent body.

Something happened. Something happened between here and Penang.
As the bus rocked between the jungle covered hills and the palm oil
plantations something happened. For the first time in my life
I entertained the idea of not coming home. I felt the feeling, the urge
that overcomes so many who venture to this region.
I went bamboo.


"In order to achieve something difficult you need a strong foundation.
That is why there are three granite steps at the base of 
the staircase..."

"Oh no you're not," she says. "After all the time and money we've
invested in your schooling? There is no way you are quitting this late
in the game. You are not doing that to this family."
"I know." I reply.
"Can't you see the end? The light at the end of that long tunnel?"
"You mean the twinkling LEDs that say 'emergency exit this way?' Yes I
see it. You are right, I need to see this through, but I don't think I want to be an architect."

"Why did you come here?" he asks.
"I came here to experience life in a different part of the world.
Architecture is my excuse."
"Well then, what do you want to do?"
"Now, or when I have no choice but to focus on a career?"
"Now"
"I want to go. I want to go until I can't go any longer; until I
collapse in a heap and kiss the earth and say that's it...
I've had enough..."
"And then?"
"I don't know..."
"And hat about" - "Mom I don't know, but I'm going home. I might be a 
bitch but I'm not an idiot. That wouldn't be fair. It's already
unfair..."

"In order to achieve something difficult you need a strong foundation. 
That is why there are three granite steps at the base of 
the staircase..."

"What the fuck?!? How can you fucking do this to me? Do you remember
what I gave up to be with you? You live in your own fantasy world. How
the fuck am I supposed to start a career and support you if you just
follow your every whim and wander aimlessly around? Huh? Then what?
What happens when you get sick of that? Or me? You're too selfish to be
the person I need you to be. I don't deserve this dammit. You need to 
grow up. Get some fucking integrity. Is traveling really more
important to you? What the fuck do you keep running from?"

"I'm not running from anything. I'm running to something."
"Well what are you running to M? Huh? It's never enough for you.
You'll never be satisfied. Why the fuck are you doing this to me?"

"In order to achieve something difficult you need a strong foundation.
That is why there are three granite steps at the base of 
the staircase..."

"I think you have been in school a long time and you are exhausted.
I think after this year you need some time off."
"No shit."
"You can't do this to him you know. He will leave."
"Ya, I fucked up big time. I always act on impulse. It's selfish. I'm
aware I'm a selfish bitch."
"You also have a tendency to be impatient. Life isn't about instant
gratification. You need to put your time in. You can't just wander
around aimlessly and expect it to just fall in your lap."
"I know. It's just...it's just he's my voice of reason. He brings me
back to Earth. I know he's right."
"Why do you always do this to yourself? He is going to leave you. One
day he is going to say 'fuck this, I don't need to deal with this.'"
"I know. And then I've lost everything."

"In order to achieve something difficult you need a strong foundation.
That is why there are three granite steps at the base of 
the staircase..."


-M

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