Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Happy Birthday Brother B!!!

     Before I get started I'd like to just give a huge shout out to my brother, whom I frequently refer to as 'Broseph.' It's his big 2-1 today!!! It makes me feel pretty old, but I'm happy we can finally chill at bars together. Since I'm leaving the country today I decided to buy him tickets to the Great American Beer Festival in Denver this fall. I really owe him a killer gift and I figured it would be a great way to see him when I get home! So happy birthday to you B!!! Please don't forget to keep a shop-vac handy for your party (most people are not supposed to get this reference).

     So this morning was a total waterworks show. I was not ready for it, and I did not expect it. Don't get me wrong, I knew I would cry at some point, but not on and off all morning. I'm not one to cry a lot, but I'm leaving for quite some time. The ticket from Denver to Malaysia (although I was blessed with a freebie from my dad, thank you very much Dad) my boyfriend is not. Private law school, despite a significant scholarship, still costs lots and lots of money. It just isn't in the cards. I wasn't expecting him to visit, but that didn't stop me from telling him to just say screw it and come with me this morning. I felt a lot of guilt this morning. It is my fault we are apart for the summer. He obviously doesn't blame me, and it was odd because I never had those feelings before. However, I have to do what's best for my education. I would support him fully if he were making the same choice, just as he supports me. Plus, as a 20 something living in America these days, it's really the economy's fault anyway.

     It's really been a rough morning. I lost it when my dog jumped on the bed and wedged herself between us for one last snuggle. You could tell when we got to the airport (which was an enormous CF...they closed the main exit down to the airport...and we were stuck behind some of the WORST drivers I have ever seen in CO) that she was pretty upset. She knows when something big is about to happen, she gave me kisses to lick up all my salty tears. MB was freaking out because he thought I would miss my flight. Luckily the west coast is experiencing some weather delays, so I made it here with plenty of time to spare. Of course I cried at the airport and some a-hole police man on a bike (seriously, if someone were to really start trouble here, what is your lame little street bike going to do?) told us to 'wrap it up and move on,' I almost snapped at him, but then thought about how un-fun it is to be detained in airport jail. Or how un-fun it would be to explain to my parents why I missed my expensive flight across the ocean. I really am going to miss the BF. I don't think the internet is an appropriate forum to divulge about my personal relationships, plus I think it's annoying to rub it in other peoples' faces so I'll refrain from further comment.

     Today is turning out to be a little more rough emotionally than I expected. All of my excitement vanished last night and was replaced by sadness. I've never felt 'sad' to travel. Scared, anxious, nervous? Yes. Sad? No. I feel a lot better now that I'm at the airport. Airports are pretty funny places. They are depressing, exciting, annoying, and yet they comfort me. I've been to so many airports, traveled on countless planes. Although I think it's sad that you literally have to be cavity searched to get on a plane these days (although obviously I'd rather have that than some type of disaster...I've got nothing to hide), there is something about being in an airport that is finalizing. You are leaving. You are going home. You are stuck. You are on the go. There is an absolute quality about it. I find it calming. Most people find it stressful. My dad likes to freak out in airports. I take traveling especially multi-day commutes as a time where it is best to just roll with the punches and deal with it.

     I am not looking forward to LAX. Please excuse today's negativity, but it should come as no surprise. I will be sad, then anxious, then knocked out by Nyquil, then super freaked out for about 2 hours upon arrival, then at peace. Anyways, LAX is quite easily one of my least favorite places. It's what I would imagine some place like Lagos being like except with more concrete. Basically, one enormous CF. I've been there all hours of the day, always traffic. You walk outside and literally might get carbon monoxide poisoning. No one speaks English, which is always interesting because you are in America. You hear various Asian, Middle Eastern, Latin and South American, and the occasional European languages more frequently than you will hear your own. People drive like morons, act like morons, and baggage claim (esp the Southwest terminal) is like a root canal. Long, slow, and unorganized. Awesome. Fortunately there is an In-n-Out not too far away so I'll be stopping there for some grub and fresh(-er) air. The best part about today is the fact that I not only get to go through baggage claim, but I then get to come in for the late night shift and go through the international terminal. Last time I was smashed between a flight leaving for Guadalajara and my flight to Beijing. My Beijing flight was both cute and annoying, as there were about 50 school children on my flight. For whatever reason the fact that it was 1:45am did not seem to phase them. Although they looked so cute in their sweat pant uniforms and Mickey Mouse hats. It was quite a funny flight because I sat next to a lady from Costa Rica heading to China. She spoke no English and the Spanish I know is not particularly helpful for everyday conversation. I have decided to learn Spanish on my own next year. It's kind of like America's new second language. I'm one of the few west coast kids who doesn't know a significant amount.

     Exactly one year ago I was flying over the Pacific on my way back from Asia. The world felt extremely small to me that day. After deciding to abandon my trip 3 days prior I was magically back in America (read: Business class on Korean Air = best way to travel by plane...especially post hospital). I felt defeated on that day. I felt as if I had failed to accomplish what I left to accomplish. It took me a while to realize that I accomplished something more than what I set out to accomplish. As I set out again, I have things I want to accomplish, but I have more room to accept the things I wasn't planning on finding.

     I would like to end this post on a high note. When I say I blame myself or the economy I'm mainly talking about the fact that I chose to leave the country to find work because there is very little (read: none) here in the States. I realize this is my choice. I don't regret anything I do, because you will always learn something even if it turns out you had the worst idea ever. The journey and the people you take with you are what makes you who you are. I am excited overall to be going to Malaysia. I am eternally grateful for such a unique opportunity. However, when I decided to start this blog, I decided that it is just as important to share my other-than-happy thoughts. If I didn't it wouldn't be a complete story. The past few days have been about saying goodbye. 90% of the time (...every time...), goodbyes are not easy and goodbyes do not incite feelings of awesomeness. They are a simple reminder of your love for others and your own mortality. I will always have my friends and family in my heart (and the pictures on my wall) while I am away. I know that. I'm glad for this opportunity to grow.


     "The best journeys are the ones that answer questions that when you set out you never even thought to ask." - Anonymous

Cheers US of A!

-M

PS. I think this goes without saying, but I've gotta board and didn't have a chance to read through and correct any awkward sentences. My apologies.
  

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